Emergency!

We thought we were in the clear…. Till the weekend and the blood came with a vengeance! Blood cots in the urine can cause the catheter tube to clog up and then the urine and blood fill the bladder and expand it to very dangerous levels. At times we even saw hunks of tissue pass through the tubing and into the bag. Larry woke me up at about 11:15pm because the catheter was clogged—again. We went to the emergency room in our small town of Franklin, TN. My husband was in so much pain that each bump in the road, every turn or acceleration of the car caused him to wince in agony. I felt helpless! The hospital attended to us quickly, the catheter was flushed, but no clots or tissue was expelled. They sent us home. I went to sleep immediately, but Larry had trouble relaxing even though he was exhausted. Then at about 1:30am Larry woke me in great distress and we headed back to the emergency room. This time, several clots were flushed out and we were sent home with the instruments to self-flush.

I had so many struggles with this trial…. I was tempted to focus on the blood, but Jesus must be my focus. Questioning—can I really trust God with my husband’s life? Is this trial the ultimate test? I even took my shoes off and crawled up the stairs in the middle of the night to the room where he had been sleeping for the last month. I had to see if he was still breathing! I was fighting a gripping fear that I would be alone for the rest of my life. But I couldn’t shake the conviction that God was not finished with us yet.

It is very interesting that we have told our story to numerous friends and family and we get the affirming yet condescending nod, meaning, “Great story but I don’t need it.” We have passed the book out, recommended it and challenged others to read and digest the concepts and impact of this important prayer. I don’t know why we grabbed onto The Lord’s Prayer the way we did, but I would not change a single thing about the last twelve months because we have a tangible benefit from the illness and the book and our faith is stronger as a result. But our trial was not over; we still had to face the surgery. And our determination to give God all the glory has left us open to attack for things that happened over 15 years ago. The resistance and anger that has been thrown our way has served to make us more determined than ever to shout our story from the rooftops.

#emergency #helpless #alone #fear